Monthly failed attempt

I’m 37 this year. Had been trying to conceive for 4 years and still no good news.

Hopefully not many of you out there are experiencing the same as me.

My best friend got married earlier than me and did not really try until she is about 33(?). We always joked that why people got pregnant so easily in TV dramas so we did not take it serious till we really try to conceive.

Initially it started with “oh , fail attempt again” (when menses came that month) during the first 2 months and same thing happen again and again. This dragged on for a year. It started to get depressing.

I started to panic. I do not wish to be 高齡產婦 (pregnant woman of aged 35 and above) and i was thinking probably stress (?) or typical women’s problem like “cold womb” etc. We started with TCM consultation but we did not continue. Cannot remember why we did not continue either.

You might be thinking why i did not go for a checkup instead. Somehow i have this fear that the problem lies in me and the inner part of me does not want to face it which is a selfish thinking. :(

Then the changes in our career put this temporarily on hold though we continue trying every month. Sometimes to the extent that B actually said that it feels like an “overtime” for him . Lol! Oh well… we only have ONE chance.

Another year just went by. My mother-in-law started to get anxious again maybe she was thinking we do not want any kids. We do really want but it’s not happening. And she suggested to consider adoption but personally i find it difficult to love another one’s child. I really salute to those who really could do that! The children are really blessed!

Towards the end of 2016, B and I decided to go for a full medical checkup and found that there’s no problem with B instead the scans showed that I have a polyp (growth) on the uterus wall.

“Will this affect my rate of pregnancy?”

The answer is yes, as implantation of the embryo could be anywhere on the uterus. So eventhough the polyp is small, it’s still affecting the chance. it’s like the chance of getting pregnant is about 20% if you do it naturally and now it becomes maybe 15% or even lesser.

In order to remove that , i have to be on general anaesthesia (GA). This will be my first surgery in my then 36 years.

“Will i die?”

“Will i woke up with side effects?”

“What if the GA doesnt work on me? And i could feel the pull and scrap in me throughout the operation?”

“What if …”

So many negative thoughts running wild in my head.





Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>